Application for damned_institute

[maverickhunterx]

 Name/Handle: Jen

Age: 25

Gender: Female

Timezone: Central

Personal LJ: I don't have one...

E-Mail: jenniferdarknight@gmail.com

AIM/other: inuyashanohime (AIM), jenniferdarknight (plurk)

Is English your primary language?: Yes!

 

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Series: Megaman X

Series' Medium: Video Game / Single-Episode Anime OVA (which I will be referencing in this app in certain sections)

Character: Megaman X (Usually just known as “X”)

Age: Actual Age: 160 Exact Age: 19

Sex/Gender: Male, Male

Canon Role: Protagonist.

"Real" Name: Alex “X” Light

 

How long have you roleplayed your character, if at all?:

A month or so; not very long. Though I have written the character for a good while outside of Roleplay.

Where have you roleplayed in general and/or with this specific character?:

Right now, I'm playing as X at Maison de Portes (hardy har har a horror game who would have guessed)

Are you personally familiar with your character's canon?:

I've played every game from X – X6, watched let's plays of the later games (including the remake of MMX, Maverick Hunter X), read the first arc of the official manga, as well as read up on information from spin-off series such as Megaman Zero and Megaman ZX. I've also seen the single-episode OVA (which came with Maverick Hunter X), Day of Sigma, and listened to some drama tracks from MMZ as well. I've even read through instruction manuals to get some extra story-insight.

 

Please give us a personal history of your character's life and explain to us in detail how they grow and develop over the course of their canon:

Disclaimer: The remake of the first game, “Maverick Hunter X”, retcons many things, but also brings a lot of things concerning X's character to the table that simply wasn't discussed before. To make his history as complete as possible, I'm including both details from MHX, the OVA (which came with MHX) “Day of Sigma”, and the original MMX to make it consistent with the new details, the original details, and the story flow of the other games (because otherwise this would be a mess to work through).

From the get-go, the robot MegaMan X (simply known as “X” to his friends, comrades, and...everyone else) was something special. Developed at some point in 20XX AD by Dr. Thomas Light (a master of robotics known for making such robots as Mega/RockMan, Roll, ProtoMan / Blues, and Rush), X was created with the most advanced AI ever conceived. He could think and feel for himself, a perfect mechanical replica of the human heart and soul. Upon his creation, he was considered too 'unstable' to be brought upon the human world: with his gifts, he could be used for good as well as evil.

The solution? Sealing him away, and ethics testing. Originally the tests were supposed to run for only thirty years, but it wasn't until 130 years after his sealing that he was found by a certain Dr. Cain, who had been excavating the area over the ruined lab for fossil samples. Discovering and awakening X, he (despite his lack of expertise in the world of robotics) made an attempt to make sense of his insane systems and his ability to think and feel like humans. Dr. Cain had even gone so far as to describe X as “More man than machine” (as said by the instruction manual for the first MMX game).

With X as his assistant, Dr. Cain and X worked together to use X's systems as a template (despite the fact that neither of them truly understood how they worked) to create the next generation of robots, known as “Reploids” (short for the term “Replicant Android”).

You could call these years with the doctor the most peaceful X had ever had, and probably when he was the happiest. He'd gained a rapport with the old doctor, forming a strange sort of friendship with him (Considering that he was the first person X ever saw upon awakening, it's not unlikely that he even saw him as a sort of father figure, though canon only brushes along this).

Reploids flourished soon after their development, working hand-in-hand with human workers in many different scenarios. Some had human forms, some didn't, depending on the creators' preferences and specifications. But after some time...Reploids started to act strange, even violent towards both humans and each other. Dubbed “Mavericks”, a special branch of the police force consisting only of Reploids were formed to deal with the threat.

It's at this time, X had started to go through a bit of an inner crisis. What should he do? What did his creator plan for him? Why was he here?

After some time, X himself joined the Hunter Ranks, regardless of his feelings about war and his innate pacifism. He hoped to stop the affliction once and for all, and perhaps bring peace back to the world and allow humans and Reploids to truly be friends with one another.

Entered in the 17^th Unit, he was given a rank of B-Class due to his hesitation on the battlefield (which led to mockery and much condescension by many of his fellow hunters).

While working for the Hunters, he met fellow Reploid Zero, S-Class. While they were of different ranks and worked in different units, the two formed a deep bond of friendship (with Zero acting as a mentor figure to the inexperienced and gentle X). In Maverick Hunter X, it was shown that they worked together on two-man missions many times, regardless of their differing ranks and Units.

On June 4^th, 21XX, Sigma, the then-leader of the Maverick Hunters (and Dr. Cain's greatest creation) would make the decision that would change the world. After a rash of berserk mechaniloids ravaged the population, X and Zero worked together to try to find the cause, which ended up being brought about by Sigma himself. Being cornered by him in the missile base not too far outside Abel City, Sigma tested X's resolve by using Zero as a shield, to see if he had what it took to kill him at the cost of his friend.

X didn't.

Stabbing Zero and tossing him aside, Sigma spoke to X about his limitless potential, and how he could be the one to help Reploids evolve. But he also taunted him and his hesitation, activating the missiles located therein and launching an attack on Abel City. In a fit of rage (and perhaps even desperation since Sigma stabs him through the torso), X's limitless potential activates for a quick moment, forcing him into berserker mode and giving Sigma permanent scars over his eyes.

But it was all for nothing. Sigma laughed and left after X's injuries put himself into forced shutdown, declaring war on all of humankind, taking much of the Maverick Hunters with him on this crusade.

X took this particularly hard (Not just because it was his fault that innocents died at Abel City, but also because these were his fellow Reploids, wanting to hurt people! It was hard enough killing Mavericks, now he had to kill his comrades and friends?!), going into a deep depression. But his own deep feelings about this issue is what pushed him to accompany his best friend Zero (now the leader of the Maverick Hunters) during this war, which was known as the “First Uprising”.

Throughout his journey, X unlocked great power within himself and unlocked his 'ultimate armor'. He fought the Mavericks and defeated Sigma...but at a cost. Zero, his best friend, gave his life to allow X the means to defeat a particularly powerful Maverick, Vile.

It was after Zero's death that X was given the title as “Leader” of the Maverick Hunters, possibly due to his closeness with Zero. Six months passed, and a second uprising had begun. Reluctantly, X picked up the Buster once more and went to fight the new threat (a group called the “X-Hunters”) by himself. Partially because it was his responsibility, and partially...

...because they offered him Zero's parts, if he could manage to beat them in single combat. Reconstructed by a genius who had managed to find Zero's original schematics, his new parts were identical to the real thing. Throwing caution to the wind in the hope of having his friend back, X risked everything to get them, leaving them with Dr. Cain (who still had Zero's 'control chip', which essentially contains a Reploid 'soul') so he can rebuild him.

As he fought through these enemies, grew in strength, and got Zero's parts back, he learned that Sigma is pulling the strings behind the X-hunters, and Sigma had created a black, false Zero in hopes that he could X's feelings against him and strike him where he was vulnerable.

Well, this almost worked. As Sigma sent the 'other' Zero after X, Zero, now fully operational, burst into the room and single-handedly defeated the fake. As Zero decided to overload the computer systems that Sigma was connected to, it was X's job to defeat Sigma.

After a grueling battle, Sigma was defeated, and all was at peace.

Too bad X's life wasn't going to stay peaceful for long...

 

What point in time are you taking your character from when he/she appears at Landel's and why?:

I'm taking him from fairly early in his life; right after the second uprising, in fact, right after Zero was resurrected. X was a lot more innocent and optimistic at this point, rather than in Megaman Zero or even late Megaman X canon in which while he still had his hope and optimism, it was tempered by fatigue.

 

Please give us a detailed description of your character's personality:

 

X is, as one would call, the 'gentle protector'. Kind, humble, gentle, and very strong in his belief in the sanctity of life, he is as Dr. Light's ethics tests hoped he would be: a robot willing to believe in the forces of good. While he's often unsure if fighting is the best means in which to do this (as the ending for every early MMX game will repeatedly beat you with), he's still willing to pick up the buster if it means to protect others, even if he himself doesn't enjoy the act of combat.

And he doesn't. At all. See, despite X willing to fight for the sake of justice and all that is good (as well as being a hero-type to the core with a strong sense of justice), X is a pacifist. He doesn't like violence, and hates it when others (Reploid or human) are hurt (This is especially shown in Maverick Hunter X and Day of Sigma, where he's known to hesitate in battle if there's a small chance that someone could be harmed by his fighting, and his absolute shock and terror at Sigma hurting innocent people for seemingly no reason). He'll fight if he has to, but he'll always wonder if there wasn't another way, opting to want a peaceful solution over resorting to violence (though if you play through X's path in Megaman X4, you learn that he's not exactly the best at it). See, all X really wants is for humans and Reploids to get along, Mavericks to suddenly turn into kind robots again, and for Sigma to go off and die somewhere. Nobody would have to fight, nobody would have to get hurt, and everyone could live peaceful lives (this pacifism and inner conflict is mentioned MANY times throughout the series, and X is flat-out mocked for it in Day of Sigma).

...Why yes, X IS very idealistic, why do you ask? So idealistic, in fact, that he's repeatedly chastised for it many times in canon. He's also naïve and trusting, making X the trifecta of easily-played protagonists, as he's betrayed no less than three times throughout his entire established canon: MMX3, MMX4, and MMX: Command Mission. Not just that, but he's genuinely surprised when his trust is betrayed, or when someone commits an act of true evil. Even if he sees it all the time, he's not jaded in the least. He wants to see the best in anyone and everyone, going so far as to beg Mavericks to put down their arms and come quietly, even when he knows in the back of his mind that he's going to have to fight them (Maverick Hunter X, case in point). Though this does lead him to do some critically stupid things, such as trust those that he really shouldn't be trusting. This isn't to say that X himself is stupid, but his trusting nature is something that is easily and often exploited by his enemies. He's also an optimist and filled to the brim with hope; even if things go badly, there WILL be a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if he has to work forever, someday all of this fighting will have a purpose. Will have MEANING. He believes that with any situation; things are shitty right now, but it'll get better. It has to. He just has to do the best he can.

On top of being idealistic, X is extremely emotional. Being a robot with real emotions was sort of the whole point of X's existence, but his emotional tendencies can lead him into self-sacrificing / martyristic moments, caring little of his own physical health if someone else is in danger. To his credit, though, normally he thinks through situations methodically and logically (he's had to, being a leader), not one to endanger others with reckless behavior. As a whole, X is a pretty emotionally driven person, letting his rather large heart pull him about (though not necessarily call the shots). He's also a worrier (which is rammed into your head in MHX and Day of Sigma), sometimes deliberating too much in fear of someone getting hurt, or his decision being the wrong one. On top of all this, X is known to get into contemplative / brooding stages (“Why am I here? Is this right?” These are the sort of questions that come through his head a lot in canon) and even have a low opinion of himself, beating himself up for making the smallest mistakes (Many examples of this are peppered through the original MMX, Maverick Hunter X, and Day of Sigma. Most notable are X's reaction to losing to Vile for the first time, and his depression at hesitating to shoot during a big mission in Day of Sigma). But once he gets over himself, sets things straight, and decides the best course of action, X will not stop until what's done is done (unless someone throws a moral dilemma at him or something).

He is known to be blessed with patience, and is generally pretty even-tempered (as shown in...well, most of his canon. This is a consistent trait throughout all of his life), but if you push him he will explode into a fit of rage (the only one who's managed this has been Sigma, both in Maverick Hunter X and Day of Sigma). Though he does sometimes come off as a bit too-serious and perhaps highly-strung at times, though, when it comes to his job as a Hunter (as especially shown in Maverick Hunter X). He takes it very, very seriously.

Though despite being emotional, he is blessed with wisdom and learns from his mistakes. Even as far as MMX2, he understood that sometimes, to bring about what you want, the risks can be high. And he is willing to push himself to the limit in order to achieve whatever goal it is he's after (usually peace and beating up Sigma), as well as be enough of a soldier to do what's needed in a crisis, to think things through and decide the best course of action. When the chips are down, he does what he has to without complaint. He'll do what he has to and do it well (as shown in...every MMX game ever).

He may delve in Woobie territory, but he never reaches full woobie levels.

Though one thing you don't mess with is X's friends. While due to his personal situation, X has never had many close connections during his life, those he does connect with are precious and dear to him. Steadfast and loyal in his defense of them, he'll not only trust them with his life, but will give his own to save them if he could (His treatment of his best friend Zero throughout all of canon is proof of this; he risks himself to bring him back to life, he stands by him through all of MMX5, and goes into a crusade to 'clear Zero's name' in MMX6...among other incidents). Canon doesn't really show X in social situations (seeing as the games focus on what happens in crises rather than X's day-to-day existence), though from how he interacts with his coworkers in early and later canon, he's at least friendly and polite, if not a bit blunt (he and those close to him have a much more personal rapport though).

Overall, he's a kind-hearted, self-sacrificing pacifist who will do what he can for others, even if that means fighting. A deep thinker, feeler, and one who learns from his mistakes, X is most certainly more man than machine.

 

Please give us a physical description of your character:

X may be made of machinery, but Dr. Light pulled out all the stops to make him as human-esque as possible. Normally, X is of a lean build, standing at 5'2 with green eyes, pale humanlike 'skin', and body armor (complete with pale spandex-like under-armor with helmet) of varying shades of blue. His apparent age varies throughout the series, but I'm sticking with the most recent design (the one for Maverick Hunter X), in which he appears to be a handsome caucasian male (in that baby-face sort of way) in his late teens / early twenties.

In Landel's, his appearance wouldn't change all that much in face and build, considering that as a Reploid, he just looks like a human with strange armor. His helmet would be replaced with a mop of short, unruly dark brown hair (much akin to the original Megaman, who can be considered his older brother), and his body would be thin but muscular and athletic.

 

What kinds of otherwordly abilities does your character have, if any?:

Wow, this could take a while.

First, X is blessed with the natural abilities of being the original (and perfect) Reploid. While in canon it has shown that Reploids (and X, by extension) can do everything from breathe, sleep, dream, bleed, cry, feel physical pain and even feel deep human emotions such as love, he is in fact a robot and identifies as such.

Examples of these events:

Breathe: Sprites pant and breathe as they stand still or are injured. Though we're not sure if this is 'breathing' or 'venting'; the game never makes this very clear.

Sleep + Dream: Megaman X6, in which X actually dreams of his dead best friend and mourns his death.

Cry: In the official manga, X was shown to cry just like a normal human (and is the only Reploid that can do so).

Bleed: When Zero died in the first MMX title, he had 'blood' spurting out the side of his mouth.

Feel physical pain: In various games, it shows X (and other Reploids) screaming in pain from opponents' attacks.

Deep Human emotions: That's the whole crux of the series; X is a robot who can think and feel for himself. He was the most perfect who can feel stronger than any of them, and it was shown in X4 and later games that even normal Reploids could feel romantic love (such as Zero and Iris).

But on top of these humanlike qualities, Reploids also can handle extreme conditions (such as being underwater indefinitely, handling intense heat and cold, being able to withstand insane abuse, among other things). X, being a combat model, has physical and sensory powers far greater than that of a normal human (his helmet part allows him to see things that are unable to be seen with the naked eye, his leg parts allow him to jump faster and further than normal humans, and his armor absorbs 93 percent of all damage that he takes), as well as two built-in weapon systems: The X-Buster (A variation of the Mega-Buster) and the Variable Weapons System.

The X-Buster is a solar-powered weapon that fires photon bursts. It can be charged or shot straight, but so long as X is standing, he can shoot it.

The Variable Weapons System allows him to defeat an enemy Reploid, grab their control chip, and download weapon data from them, adding it to his arsenal.

X also possesses a mini supercomputer for a brain, though while his control chip is in his head, a secondary brain seems to be in his stomach area (if his 'specs' in the original MMX are to be believed), which might be where his main processors are.

 

If present, how do you plan to tweak these powers to make your character appropriately hindered in the setting of Landel's?:

 

X obviously would be human, so his reploid resiliency would be out of the picture. Rather than have the physical prowess of a Robot-God, he instead has the physical capabilities of a well-trained College Athlete, on top of his warrior-instincts which he gained from being a Hunter (IE: his reflexes and 'fighting senses' are as fine-tuned as a soldier who's been through one or two tours of active duty).

Though he wouldn't be used to having a human body at first. Because his senses are so heightened in canon, he'd grow clumsy at the far-dulled senses he'd receive at Landel's, until he adjusts to his new status of living.

Though I don't think his mind would be too affected. While he wouldn't have a supercomputer for a brain, X would still be of extremely high intelligence (though his emotions do sometimes get in the way).

 

Does your character have any non-otherworldly abilities/training that surpass the norm?:

 

X is an amazing shot; that much is for certain. Specializing in long-range weaponry, his aim is top-notch and while he does second-guess himself in a pinch (in case someone else gets hurt), he rarely misses his target once he's got it in his sights. This is partially because he was simply built for long-range combat, and also because of his work in the field as a Maverick Hunter, in which he's had to act as the sharpshooter / firepower for various missions.

I guess as an extension to that, he has had military training. He's a staunch pacifist and hates fighting, but he's had to fight in the past.

He's a born leader. This is pretty much established from canon from the get-go; despite the fact that people often treat him like an idealistic child (and he sort of is), he has a charisma that can't be denied, and characters follow his lead. He was a B-Class hunter in the original MMX, and yet in MMX2, after Zero's Death, X took the helm and led the entire organization during the second uprising.

This might not seem it to some, but he has a sense of hope and optimism that CANNOT be beaten down, regardless of how hard people try. Some might call this a personality trait, I call it a straight up natural talent. Nobody is this optimistic, not in a million years. Even in Megaman Zero, when he simply stopped caring about fighting, he still had hope for the people and for his dream of Robots and Humans to be special friends forever. Tempering his optimism took over a hundred years of Maverick Hunting and several Insurrections. He's not the sort who can lose his faith easily, especially in his friends.

X is also extremely intelligent, able to think through things quickly and logically. He has an understanding of strategy, as well.

 

 

What do you see your character doing in the scope of the game and how do you plan to use the setting of Landel's Institute to develop them and affect their psychology in a unique, interesting way?:

 

X is a hero-type to the core, and a pure, gentle person. I'd love to be able to test how far that heroism will go. It's true that in canon, X is really hard to bring down; it took over 100 years for his optimism to even strain, and X is personally used to having life kick him in the face on a consistent basis. But he's the sort of person who will say to himself, “You know what? THIS time it will be different,” and then get right back up.

The only emotional support he's ever really had (that the game tells us anyway; we don't really know much about X's personal life outside the very few people he gets in contact with) has ever come in the form of two people: Zero and Dr. Cain (dubiously you can say Dr. Light, since in Maverick Hunter X it's shown that he at least has a connection to the strange man who talked to him through the weird glass tubes). Losing this, X won't lose his usual optimism, but he will feel a bit listless, maybe go searching for emotional connections in this godforsaken place. Zero's death in MMX was enough for him to risk his life to put him together again, so you can infer that X takes friendship and what connections in his life he has very seriously. But in MMX5 it is clearly stated (by X himself) that Zero was his only friend (and seeing that X never makes any real connections in games prior to that, then it's pretty safe to assume that he never had many friends in his early life short of Dr. Cain and Zero, either). Forcing him to make connections with others (especially while there is a Zero in Landel's, it's not the same Zero he knows from his time period) would do him well, and perhaps allow him to open up and have a sort of life outside of the war he's constantly thrown into (that said, Landel's is a pretty effed up place to pursue this sort of thing, but you take what you can get).

That, and X is a robot who loves humanity. Having him BE human would give him a connection with those he wishes to protect, and perhaps grow an even greater protectiveness and more of an emphasis on the sanctity of life.

He'll probably gain more of an understanding of why it's important to fight, as well. See, in canon he DOES fight, but after every battle he questions if fighting is the right choice. If he couldn't have fixed it by talking (and in later canon he does throw in the towel and try to take care of things in a non-violent way. Guess how long that lasts? Spoiler: Less than a single game's time), or even just trying to understand his opponents and bring them to their senses. In a horror / survival environment, X is going to have to get over this, and FAST. Or else he's dead. And he's not going to have his armor to protect him, so he'll be vulnerable (That said, he'll probably still end up working off those protective instincts; saving people is all he knows, and his sense of justice is off the charts – even if he's physically weaker and can't do even half of what he could as a Reploid, he'll still try to take the blow for other people and save those close to him).

On top of all this, he'd probably try to find something good about his situation. He's prone to overthinking and moping, but as I've mentioned before, his hope and optimism is a rather important character trait of his, and it's extremely hard to bring him down.

 

 

Given that this RP takes place in an unsettling and outright horrific environment, how do you justify your character as being appropriate in both body and mind for this kind of setting?:

X is a soldier, regardless of his pacifistic mentality. He's seen the worst part of the world, and he's had to deal with trauma and things that would break most normal people. There's also that optimism that I mentioned before, which even in the worst of moments and the hardest of times, have been able to help him pull through and make it with his mind and heart intact.

He's a strong, courageous soul, and when the going gets rough, he will get going. He may not have his Reploid body, and he may not have all of his weapons, but he does have his experience (and at the very least a good throwing arm), which must count for something, right?

 

Third-Person Sample:

 

"No." He sighed. "Do the simulation one more time."

The simultaneous whine of rookies echoed through the VR group training room as Megaman X rubbed the side of his helmet in thickly-veiled annoyance. A simple groan to some, but anyone who stared at that slack jaw hard enough could see it slowly start to form in a hard, irritated line.

Too bad everyone was too busy complaining to look.

"But Commander," one of them piped up; he was near the front, with a star carved into his helmet, "We've been hitting all the targets like you asked!"

'Hitting the targets'? That's what he thought that was? With the VR bullets flying around like they were in the middle of some human festival, it was hard to tell whether or not they were shooting targets, or just trying to shoot fireworks everywhere.

After all, fireworks hit their mark, but they also burst and slammed into everything else around them, as well.

X cleared his throat (a useless gesture, considering that he didn't have any phlegm with which to clear, but the simulated sound of it through his voice modulation program was most certainly effective in getting others' attention), drawing the faces of the other grumbling Reploids towards him.

"Technically, yes." he said, "You were hitting the targets. But what else were you hitting?"

X shouldn't have been surprised at the chorus of blank stares he received in response.

“Come on, tell me.” He placed his buster-hand on his hip and threw his pupils a stern look. “How much collateral damage do you think you caused, throwing your bullets around like that? You say you want to protect humans, but if you can't even shoot a target without wrecking the area in the process, then you're doing more harm than good.”

“But the humans would be cleared out by then, right?” asked a female Reploid. She was pink, but still in the same basic Hunter Armor, with ringlets of blonde hair hanging down her back. Usually such a model would have opted for Navigator work; the change was refreshing, at least.

X shook his head. “Not necessarily. Sometimes you have to work around humans getting caught in the crossfire. And there's the matter of property damages.”

The pink one blinked once. Twice. Then shook her head.

“Permission to speak freely, sir?” She asked.

X nodded. “You know you don't have to do that with me. Just speak your mind.”

“Humans I can understand, but in a battle, there's bound to be destruction and damages. We can't avoid that.”

“But does that give you the right to be careless?” X ran a hand over his helmet. “Think about it. With further damage to the area that can lead to more unnecessary injuries, including and not limited to refugees that are caught on overpasses or other areas. If you just assume that something's pointless, you'll never pay attention to it, even when you need to the most.”

“But--”

“So let's do it again, only this time be more careful with your shots. Make sure to keep your hands steady on your weapon and not let your processors get overwhelmed. Try to make every shot count. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Commander...”

X took a step back, hugging the wall and watching the fresh recruits in his Unit as they, once more, made an attempt at the group battle simulation.

How nostalgic. X's mouth quirked at a smile. It's almost like I'm watching myself all over again, through Zero's eyes.

What was it that he used to say...?

 

“You think I'm bad? The day X gets his own Unit, I can promise you that he'll be even worse than me. Now
come on; the hell are you doing sitting around for?!”

Well, Zero was partially right, X supposed. Watching the new faces that had filtered into the 17^th Unit was akin to looking after his own children. Their safety, their strength, and their success were his responsibility, and their training and solidification as a unit his greatest priority. In order to keep up with the battles they would have to face (as well as protect the innocent as well as themselves and each other), they had to be pushed to their absolute limits.

After all, that was how Zero had trained him.

Though, X couldn't say with good conscience that he was as strict as his old friend would suggest; after all, once they completed this simulation to satisfactory results, they were going to be released for a much-needed rest.

For working so hard, he couldn't say that they didn't earn it, after all.

 

First-Person Sample:

 

[Taken as a snippet from Alex Light's private journals. The top of the page is torn – perhaps on purpose – so some of the contents are missing. The handwriting is a strange mix of neat and messy; as though the writer usually has an even, sloping hand, but poor motor skills made this difficult to achieve.]

...never thought humans had it so rough.

The nurse, Angela, called me “Alex” again today. I'd told her several times that it wasn't my name, but it's not like she listens. She just sort of smiles and nods with that blank stare, as though everything I say is some interplanetary moon-language.

...I've started responding to the name now, if only to make her, and all the other nurses feel better; it's not like it's hurting anybody if I respond to a name that isn't mine, anyway.

Besides, they could be prisoners, like us. They may have it worse than the 'patients' do, forced to smile and act natural like that even though everything feels so wrong here.

I've been trying to think over what this place could be, outside of the obvious: a mental facility that shouldn't exist. I've started to get used to the fact that I'm human now, but that doesn't change the fact that there's no way that I could be human. There's no scientific means to explain...any of this.

And since I'm not “Alex Light”, who is? And if he doesn't exist, how did this place conjure such an elaborate ruse, and why?

It doesn't make sense.

…

I should go see Zero tomorrow, maybe ask him if he's picked up anything about this place. I'm feeling well enough to wander around the place by myself, so I could probably get him alone

[the rest of the entry is missing, the pages possibly also torn out.]